hello,
i’m sorry that i have to send this anonymously. but i think it’s important for you to know that someone out there cares about you.
brigette, you are a smart, strong, and beautiful woman. this is true despite all the crap you’ve been through, whether you brought it on yourself or whether you were just unlucky enough to be in fate’s path. even if this is your darkest hour, i know you have the strength to get through this.
i know you are facing a terrifying fate. i wish there were a better way out than facing the music. as tempting as suicide is as an escape, you know it’s not the right answer. the jail time would not equal the rest of your life. as much as it will suck to be incarcerated, there will be an end to it. u can read lots of true crime books in the meantime!
when i think of u, and i could be off about this, but i see that you had so much to offer the world, but life took its toll on you, and sure, you made some mistakes, but who doesnt? you paid for your mistakes more than others paid for the same mistakes. life isn’t fair. and you still kept your chin up and fought through it and made it this far. u have spunk.
u also have been waging an internal war. ur reputation was as the life of the party, a happy-go-lucky girl, and u had an image to keep up. and that image didn’t let you reveal your true self at times. so you had no one to lean on, no one to support you, when you were down. and that kept you down, and maybe sent you spiraling down further.
people have been cruel to you. sometimes their words had a kernel of truth to them, and that cut to your heart. and so you had to tell yourself you were wonderful to shield yourself from the hurt. but u knew you weren’t perfect. so you just had these conflicting reflections of yourself. self-doubt countered with conceit. people judging you, and you judging yourself. it’s not one way or the other. u know yourself for who you are. you’re not perfect, but you’re not half bad. and you can do better.
ur a complex, complicated, fragile, yet strong person. it would be a shame if u killed yourself. it would also be a shame if you flushed your life down the drain just because you couldn’t face the day. i know it seems like an almost insurmountable task. but u just gotta do it. there’s no better way.
so i hope you decide to use your strength to move forward. you’ve been drowning in your own pond for long enough. stand up and get out. use the time to clear your head and make yourself stronger. i know that you can come out on the other side, and that you will be closer to your true self…your true potential.
u can be a funny, serious, self-assured, trustworthy, loving woman. u will walk into a room, happy, and people will gravitate toward you. not merely because you’re drunk and laughing and beautiful and fun. but because you have worthwhile things to say. you have insight into life.
u can get control of yourself, pull yourself together, and get yourself through this difficult phase. you can come out stronger on the other side. you just have to roll up your sleeves and do the hard work. i wish there were more i could do to help you. i hope these words of encouragement help you summon the strength which i know you have in you, to move forward.
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